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Grief Recovery Institute® Guidance Center


John James, founder of The Grief Recovery Institute

John W. James

Founder of The Grief Recovery Institute®
Co-Author of The Grief Recovery
Handbook & When Children Grieve

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Russell Friedman, Executive Director of The Grief Recovery Institute

Russell Friedman

Executive Director
Co-Author of The Grief Recovery
Handbook & When Children Grieve


Featured Article

Normal and Natural reactions to the death of someone important to you.

Grief is the wide range of normal and natural reactions to the death of someone important to you. The seven most common reactions are:


  • Numbness
  • Reduced Ability to Concentrate or Focus
  • Crying or NOT Crying
  • Lowered State of Energy—Not To Be Confused With Clinical Depression
  • Disturbed Sleeping Patterns and Dreams and Nightmares
  • Irregular Eating Patterns
  • Roller-Coaster of Emotions
If you’re reading this, it’s likely that someone important to you has died and you’d like some guidance about the feelings and thoughts you’re experiencing. Or, you may be reading this because you are connected to and concerned about someone who’s just experienced a death, and you’d like to have more awareness about what they’re going through, and what you can say or do to be helpful to them.

Confusion About What Is Normal In An Unfamiliar Situation

While it’s true that grief is the normal and natural reaction to a death, fortunately most of us don’t have that experience very often, making it unfamiliar. Also, grief is not generally an open topic for conversation in our society, and a great deal of the information available to us about grief is not accurate or helpful.

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Ask John & Russell – I'm getting tired of propping everyone else up. (Published 1-24-12)

Q:

How do I respond to family members who seem critical of my grieving, who tell me to "move on", "you're self-absorbed", "self-destructive" and other hurtful things?

This started the day of his memorial service when I was told I was "being rude" and "enabling myself to feel sad" because I cried after reading the sympathy cards. They act as if I want to feel this way, are disgusted and want me to feel guilty.

Do they really expect me to act happy for their sake? I try but I'm getting tired of propping everyone else up. They have said/done nothing to comfort me in any way and act as though my spouse never existed. It hurts a great deal and isn't helping me heal any.

Appreciate any advice you can give..Thank you


Russell Friedman Replies:

(Dear Anon,

Sadly, your note and questions represent something very common for many grievers.

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Find Local Support

If you or someone important to you wants help with grief: Look for a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist℠ in your community. The Grief Recovery Institute ® trains and mentors Certified Grief Recovery Specialists℠ throughout the United States & Canada.

See Russell and John's blog at Psychology Today

Workshops & Training Schedule

The Grief Recovery Institute ® offers Certification Training programs for those who wish to help grievers.

  • November 2011
  • Los Angeles, CA -- November 18-21
  • December 2011
  • Houston, TX -- December 2-5
    Phoenix, AZ -- December 2-5

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