Russell Friedman Replies:

Hi Valerie,

We noticed that you say you've taken SOME of the actions in The Grief Recovery Handbook.

That might be part of what keeps you stuck—assuming stuck is a fair word.

We’d recommend that you go back and take ALL of the actions—in sequence.

You have nothing to lose by doing that, and possibly something to gain.

We believe that missing someone is normal—and the intellectual and emotional fact is that it’s indeed sad that they are no longer physically here.

Part of the problem may be with the language you're using to define yourself and how you feel, as when you say: “Everyday is just another day without him.”

We encourage people to talk in much smaller bites,fore example: “At this moment, I miss my son very much.”

Another example: People often say, “I am depressed today.” We suggest an alternative, “At this moment, I don’t feel much energy.” There’s a big difference between the two phrases, and the second one is actually much more accurate, and doesn’t turn a momentary feeling into a full 24 hour condition.

We think you may realize the fleetingness of emotions because you mentioned that sense of “waves, an ebb and flow.” Now you can apply better language to what you experience and have less pain. It may seem petty, but we’ve watched those language shifts create emotional freedom for people—without distorting truth or reality.

From our hearts to yours,

Russell and John