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John James, founder of The Grief Recovery Institute

John W. James

Founder of The Grief Recovery Institute®
Co-Author of The Grief Recovery
Handbook & When Children Grieve

Ask The Grief Experts

We were supposed to grow old together. (Published 9/10/2013)


Hello, My name is Michael. I lost my partner, who was also my best friend and the love of my life, on May 20, 2009. It is over two years and I am still paralyzed. We were together for 16 years. I don't go out of the house except to get the mail and then I am back in my bedroom staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what is wrong with me after this amount of time. I am lonely without him. He was sick for quite some time before he died and I was at his side and never left him for more than 5 minutes at a time. I am also a Registered Nurse and was able to attend to every need he had, but I was still not ready for him to leave me. We were supposed to grow old together. He woke up the morning that he died and told me that while he was asleep, God told him to "wake up and tell Michael that you love him."  So he did. I made him comfortable and he went back to sleep and was gone within 45 minutes. All my bases were covered and I did everything I could for him. Why should it take me so long to recover from this? I have to keep living and telling myself that he died, I didn't. I feel so empty and alone. Thank you for being there for me to open up and express my feelings  Everyone else thinks I should be further along than I am. At the end of the day, I do thank God for the time we had and the treasure of experiencing unconditional love. Some people never get to have that and I know that I am blessed. But it's still very dark and lonely without him at my side.

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