Loss and Grieving
Writing No. 2 - 1.5 months after my sister's death
So to begin, I want to say a hundred “thank you”s to all of my friends and family for every comment, thought, prayer, and well just being there for me in what seems to have been an impossible time in my life.
I never would have thought in a million years that I would have to experience the death of my sister. Those of you that have grown up with my sister and I know that we were much more than just sisters. We shared a room for 17 years, lived together off and on for a few years and no matter what, talked and emailed multiple times a day. My sister was my best friend, she was my other half, she was my person.
In everything I have been through in life, Allie was the one person I knew would always be there and I could count on. And now, here I am, by myself, without my other half. And I try to imagine what the future is going to be like without her in my life everyday. We were supposed to have families and grow old together. She was supposed to be Auntie Allie and the most amazing mother ever, but now, that will not be. I break down everyday, it feels like as the days go on, my heart breaks more and more. I know that it will get easier in time, but now it just feels like each day is harder and harder because I realize more and more everyday, what I’m not going to have any more. However, with all of that said, I have been able to stay strong and hold it together…well, I’m trying at least.
I have to tell you, I never knew I had this kind of strength. I think the reason for that is because until something like this happens, you don’t realize how many amazing people you are surrounded by. Yeah, we all know we have some pretty great friends and family, but a time like this really shows you your friend’s true side. I know that it may seem to some of you that I have not been appreciative of that, but know, I’m thankful for each and every one of you that I call friend. Chris has absolutely been the number one that has gotten me through this. I don’t know where I’d be right now, if it wasn’t for him. The hours of just holding me, listening to me cry, the days of running around trying to pull everything together for the funeral, and just taking care of me. It is an amazing feeling to know you are being taken care of, no matter how much of a disaster or mess you are.
Many of you already know this, but Allie and I grew up in Christian School up until we went to high school. Well part of going to Christian School and Church, you learn about the Bible and God. And if it wasn’t for that background, we never would have become what we are today. For those of you who may not believe in God or have never had the opportunity to be taught what the Bible says, let me tell you something. God will never give us anything we cannot handle. Yes, it may and will seem that we cannot handle it, but we can. And the cool thing is that by getting through what seems an impossible time or challenge, it makes you a stronger and better person. There are things in life that we are not meant to understand and we will never understand. But think about it this way, if everything made sense and we understood everything, what kind of life would we have….a boring one.
Our mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 31 and just 9 days after her 34th birthday, she passed away from a brain tumor. I had just turned 8 and Allie was 6. We’ve been though so much in life and we had each other to get through everything. I believe that everyone has a purpose and when God has decided that you have fulfilled your purpose, he will bring you back home with him. My mom gave birth to two amazing little girls and between my dad and family, we became two amazing women. That I believe was my mom’s purpose…to bring Allie and I into this world. As hard as it was growing up without our mom, things do happen for a reason. So…Allie, what was her purpose? Well, if you were at the funeral, I think all you had to do is look around the room to see what her purpose was. Allie touched so many people in this world…touched them in ways that would change their lives. She just had that affect on people. Having over 600 people at the funeral was an astonishing thing. I always knew how much she was loved, but wow! I guess in a way, this is how I make sense of all of this. All of this craziness.
So in a time that I know seems impossible, I know I will be okay and get through this in time. I have to, not just for me, but for my dad and my family and all of my friends. And the way I will do that is with all of the love that surrounds me from my family and friends. I will do it with two angels watching over me…my mom and my sis. I feel lucky to have had two amazing people like them in my life and now to have them watching over me, brings me peace.
To those of you who have taken the time to read this, I thank you! I thank you for everything. I love you all and feels abundantly blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.
Rest in peace my sweet sister…we will be together again one day in heaven…having a drink at heavens bar.
XOXO
Des
I never would have thought in a million years that I would have to experience the death of my sister. Those of you that have grown up with my sister and I know that we were much more than just sisters. We shared a room for 17 years, lived together off and on for a few years and no matter what, talked and emailed multiple times a day. My sister was my best friend, she was my other half, she was my person.
In everything I have been through in life, Allie was the one person I knew would always be there and I could count on. And now, here I am, by myself, without my other half. And I try to imagine what the future is going to be like without her in my life everyday. We were supposed to have families and grow old together. She was supposed to be Auntie Allie and the most amazing mother ever, but now, that will not be. I break down everyday, it feels like as the days go on, my heart breaks more and more. I know that it will get easier in time, but now it just feels like each day is harder and harder because I realize more and more everyday, what I’m not going to have any more. However, with all of that said, I have been able to stay strong and hold it together…well, I’m trying at least.
I have to tell you, I never knew I had this kind of strength. I think the reason for that is because until something like this happens, you don’t realize how many amazing people you are surrounded by. Yeah, we all know we have some pretty great friends and family, but a time like this really shows you your friend’s true side. I know that it may seem to some of you that I have not been appreciative of that, but know, I’m thankful for each and every one of you that I call friend. Chris has absolutely been the number one that has gotten me through this. I don’t know where I’d be right now, if it wasn’t for him. The hours of just holding me, listening to me cry, the days of running around trying to pull everything together for the funeral, and just taking care of me. It is an amazing feeling to know you are being taken care of, no matter how much of a disaster or mess you are.
Many of you already know this, but Allie and I grew up in Christian School up until we went to high school. Well part of going to Christian School and Church, you learn about the Bible and God. And if it wasn’t for that background, we never would have become what we are today. For those of you who may not believe in God or have never had the opportunity to be taught what the Bible says, let me tell you something. God will never give us anything we cannot handle. Yes, it may and will seem that we cannot handle it, but we can. And the cool thing is that by getting through what seems an impossible time or challenge, it makes you a stronger and better person. There are things in life that we are not meant to understand and we will never understand. But think about it this way, if everything made sense and we understood everything, what kind of life would we have….a boring one.
Our mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 31 and just 9 days after her 34th birthday, she passed away from a brain tumor. I had just turned 8 and Allie was 6. We’ve been though so much in life and we had each other to get through everything. I believe that everyone has a purpose and when God has decided that you have fulfilled your purpose, he will bring you back home with him. My mom gave birth to two amazing little girls and between my dad and family, we became two amazing women. That I believe was my mom’s purpose…to bring Allie and I into this world. As hard as it was growing up without our mom, things do happen for a reason. So…Allie, what was her purpose? Well, if you were at the funeral, I think all you had to do is look around the room to see what her purpose was. Allie touched so many people in this world…touched them in ways that would change their lives. She just had that affect on people. Having over 600 people at the funeral was an astonishing thing. I always knew how much she was loved, but wow! I guess in a way, this is how I make sense of all of this. All of this craziness.
So in a time that I know seems impossible, I know I will be okay and get through this in time. I have to, not just for me, but for my dad and my family and all of my friends. And the way I will do that is with all of the love that surrounds me from my family and friends. I will do it with two angels watching over me…my mom and my sis. I feel lucky to have had two amazing people like them in my life and now to have them watching over me, brings me peace.
To those of you who have taken the time to read this, I thank you! I thank you for everything. I love you all and feels abundantly blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.
Rest in peace my sweet sister…we will be together again one day in heaven…having a drink at heavens bar.
XOXO
Des
