Loss and Grieving


Can't believe it

I recently lost my older sister 4 months ago. I'm having a very hard time dealing with this. I don't know what happened that night and I will never know. She was at a party and the people there left her passed out in her own blood. Her blood was not clotting due to some medication that she either took or was given to her. I'm in the Air Force and stationed in California and all of this happened in Texas so I wasn't there by her side to tell her how sorry I was for everything and how much I loved her. So she died at the age of 32 leaving her 2 sons behind. One is 3 and the other is 1. The whole situation is difficult with them too and I just want them to know the good of their mother. She was a wonderful person and I just wish we had talked more. I have so much guilt and pain. I would trade places with her in a second so she could be with her sons. I miss her and I have nightmares where she's in a casket and I wake up realizing that my only sister is gone. She's not coming back and there's nothing I can do. I've never felt so much heartache and pain. Her sons, my nephews, are what keeps me going. She lives on through them and I will tell them all the great memories I have about her when they are older. People say I'm strong but I don't feel like I am. I have to be strong for my family but deep down inside I feel weak.
Posted by brinsl on September 02, 2009


Comments:

I read your message while looking at my twin brothers obituary... im 22, and in the navy... i was reading through alot of what other people were saying about deaths to loved ones, but yours is very very similar to mine. my brother had an accident when we were kids, but cheated death and came back from it. 13 years later it claimed his life and he left a wife and a 1.7 year old son. i know how much it hurts to think about... like i said he was my twin, we had a very special bond. he wanted me to come home on leave so bad to come see him for a little bit, but i kept pushing it off. i know what you mean when you say you would trade places>> i would do it in a second also. this is easily the hardest things thats ever happend to me in life. i dont know if you get on this site too much, but if you do see this message please tell me how you're doing. nathan died 2 months ago in 4 days... i dont know if it truly gets that much easier, but maybe with more time

posted by holeinearth on October 20, 2009