Loss and Grieving


PIrate Queen's Treasure is Gone

My story is going to be a little bit different than most stories you will read on here, but is written with all honesty and truth. To be honest, I am grieving over the loss of a two year friendship with the man of my dreams. It all started in November of 2007 when I received an email from a single gentleman who lived in Houston, Texas, a private chartered pilot, and an aspired writer. His email began with a story about a beautiful pirate queen with hypnotic blue eyes, short black hair, and a contagious smile who's mission in life was to rid the Earth of evil by challenging evil men such as the evil Lord of Jarnac to a duel. She had the advantage on all her opponents because she was given the power of the Gods from birth as she was the "chosen" one. It wasn't long after reading the story that I realized that the woman he was describing was me. To make a long story short, I fell in love with a man named David Goldman who is the author of this manuscript. I am the heroine of his book. Over 4 years ago he saw my picture and read my profile on Yahoo Personals and got inspired and wrote a book in my honor. I have NEVER in my lifetime EVER had someone do anything so special and honor me in the way David honored me. Over the two year period, we corresponded via email mostly, because he lost his job in Houston with a private chartered company and ended up in Denver as a flight instructor at one of the flight schools. Our hopes and dreams were to live happily ever after. We corresponded for almost two years through email, IM, and phone calls. We kept waiting for a job to open up in Houston with the airlines, but nothing could pay him the salary he is making in Denver with the flight school and jobs for pilots are about non-existent right now. WE both put our lives on hold for two years waiting for this to open up, all the while our hearts are growing deeper in love. We both came to the conclusion recently that it is not healthy for us to continue in this relationship. He is in Denver and I am outside of Houston. It started getting to the point to where our relationship was becoming toxic due to the frustrations of being apart and not being able to make it a "real" relationship. MIsunderstandings caused hurt feelings over and over again and finally there was no other option than to end the relationship. I was able to get some closure to it all by talking to him on the phone, but my heart is aching like nothing I've ever experienced before. The story he wrote in my honor sealed the deal for me. I'm not sure if I will EVER get over him and this loss. It's not that easy to move to Denver or Houston either. He needs his present job due to the salary he is making because he has debt to pay off and Houston doesn't have flight school jobs open right now that could pay him the salary he is making in Denver. He needs all the money he can make to pay off student loans he incurred going to flight school. I, on the other hand, am bound to a divorce decree until my baby is 18 and I can't leave Houston. Isn't it crazy that two people fell in love on the internet, corresponded for two years almost (this Nov. would have made the two year mark for us), and in the end we can't be together because of the distance between us and because of that distance it caused our relationship to turn toxic from all the frustrations of NOT being to have each other physically, spiritually, sexually, and emotionally. How do I get over someone I still love, adore, and desire? The time has come to move on because it's not going anywhere or at least not right now that is. Maybe down the road he will come back, but I'm going to live like the relationship is dead and over. I need help to return back to life and live again. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Beverly Bucsanyi
Posted by pirate_queen49 on September 08, 2009


Comments:

the loss and grieving most of these people are talking about is shattered by death, not distance or circumstance... you need to take your problems to a different site... it is very hard for me not to insult you right now so i think ill leave with what ive said...

posted by holeinearth on October 20, 2009

touch your soul as nothing else.
I met a man long before the Internet days. I traveled and left a husband who turned out to be a dishonest man in Arizona and moved back to my home state of Wisconsin. I lived with my sister [along with my 15 year old son].
After six months I wondered why my life was not coming back together, as I had always been a business woman.

At about this same time my sister and her husband planned to take a trip from Wisconsin to the state of Washington. They planned on driving and asked me to come along to help with the driving. I had no desire to do this for two reasons, I planned a trip with my girlfriend and we were really looking forward to it. The other reason, they were bringing their children along. Now . . . picture this, a station wagon, a large man and good size woman, and tiny little me, with three [yes, 3] teenagers . . . the oldest a large young man of 15, and the other two sisters, 14 and 12. In addition they were bringing their little boy who as turning three. Did you add that? Seven [7] of us, all but one 5'4" and taller, weighing from 118 [me] to my sister [over 200] and her large husband [over 6'3" who weighed over 220 pounds.
They figured that it would take us three days each way if we took turns driving. . . her husband and I. She couldn't drive due to a bad back. Couped up for 23 or so hours a day - 69 hours straight each way. Hence my hesitation.
Well, because of their being so good to my son and I, I decided I would make the trip . . . perhaps I would meet a new man there, Yes, I was looking for a new honest man for a mate. I was only 37 years old.
When we arrived and the family got all settled in and were visiting, I felt like a little girl, hidden in a corner in their kitchen, reading some magazines and newspapers, while they visited. One of the papers had several columns of ads . . . ads I had never seen before. They were at that time call "Personals". Well, one of the ads literally jumped off the page at me. After reading it several time, I showed it to my sister who encouraged me to write to this man: 51, young gentleman, educated, loving, caring, and on and on and on. A beautiful ad.
I decided if I were going to try this experiment, I would pick out a couple of other ads to write to also. I finally found five other ads.
While we were in the family camper and station wagon camping out in the mountains of Washington that week, I started a letter to the gentleman in the first ad. When I finished it . . . it was 11 pages long. By the time I rewrote the second letter [simply a copy of the first], I lost interest in doing much more, but managed to write one more. I mailed the three letters to the GLOBE magazine, who passed the letters to the men who placed the ads.

Here is where I later found out how God had intervened into our lives.
1. My move to Wisconsin
2. He wrote the ad in April 1983 and sent it along with payment.
3. The ad would appear ONE TIME, IN ONE ISSUE ONLY and didn't appear until July.
4. I drove nearly 2,000 miles one way to find that paper.
5. I had never even seen a GLOBE magazine before.
6. I mailed my letter on July 19th.
7. He received it in the last batch of letters, mine was in that batch] on August 11th.
8. On August 12th, he and his daughter drove up into the Mountains in Utah and he carved our initials in a very special set of trees, that grew up close to each other, one larger then the other, and then the trees wound around each other growing up high in the sky.
9. He wrote back to me, a long letter about the same length as mine.
10. Before that arrived, He had sent me a dozen long stem red roses [my favorite flowers] which arrived with a card with the flowers simply said Drew, Utah.
11. A few days before his letter.
12 .By this point I thought, oh my god whit did I get myself into to.
He had requested a photo, plus my phone number, which I WOULDN'T send to a stranger, so he had no idea what I looked like. I was a former model. He sent his phone number.
13. I had decided to call him to stop it in it's tracks. I decided the polite thing to do was to at least call him and thank him. I had no intention back in the early 80's to meet a total stranger. I never expected an answer to my letter. [All three men wrote back].
14. When I heard his voice . . . on the phone . . . I KNEW I KNEW HIM . . . LIKE I HAD KNOWN HIM FOREVER.
15. After talking frequently for two weeks he proposed to me over the phone.
16. I accepted. We agreed if when we met if either of us felt uncomfortable and changed our minds we wouldn't hold the other to the promise.
17. 1 day short of a MONTH he flew me to Utah to meet. . . to see if I wanted to continue our rapid love affair; to move Utah, and to meet his rather large family family.
18. After being there 9 days, we drove back to Wisconsin to gather my family and friends to meet him.
19. We loaded the vechile with my son, my cat, and my cockatiel [in a large cage] Tten days there, we drove back to Utah to take up living and loving together. We knew we could not stand to be apart for one day.
[Figure up all those steps and the odds that one could have gone wrong . . . we feel like it was a million in one chance that we found each other.]

We were married as soon as my divorce was final, and had expected to spend 50 years together. This wonderful man [my 4th husband . . . each husband was a stepping stone to where I needed to be to meet his man], he was the true love of my life. I didn't think anything could separate us.
Well, he got cancer and we battled it for nearly six years. At that point I told him he "needed to go." His response was, "No I need to be here to take care of you!" I told him I would "be just fine." We had talked about remarring and i had expected I would as I was not a loner. Well, he died within 10 HOURS of my telling him to go.

Boy was I wrong. It is nearly eleven [11] years now that he has been gone and my heart still aches for him. I have no desire to have another man in my life.

Honey, I don't know all the answers.
My advice is to keep those memories and feelings [we went thru some tough patches along our road together], as they truly are precious.
I know, at least it is my belief, that we knew each other in the pre-exhistenance and planned our lives here on earth with the various souls/spirits, who would help us to grow and develop our spirits while we have a human body.
You must continue to do the things that can help you to grow, and leave your heart open. One day when you least expect it, that perfect person will come along.

I miss my husband with all my heart and can't wait until we are reunited in the spirit world.

Read and study things of God and his plan for the spirits that are on this planet, the reason for life, what we should try to do with our lives, and the ways we can help others.

I believe if you two are meant to be togehter, God will open the doors for that to happen. If not, don't leave the door so tightly closed that someone wonderful can't get in to bring love and joy into your life as you return that to him.

I am encluding my e-mail address if you would care to continue to write. The hour is late, and I must be getting to bed. I have two funerals to attend this Saturday. Two ladies who don't know each other. It will be a hard day. I was on this site looking for words of comfort to give to their families, when I read your letter.
I also spotted two other friends that have past away in the past few months.

My prayers are with you. Just trust in Heavenly Father.

Aunti M [Marcy Edwards]
true2youalone@aol. com

posted by Pekahsmom on October 22, 2009