Q & A with David Kessler
Question from Theresa
Hi David,
I have seen the death of loved ones many times in my life but the death of my beloved aunt was an exception. She died of lung cancer in my arms. When I left the hospital, I drove immediately to be with my uncle thinking he would need someone to be with him through this time. I don't know if it was his way of grieving or not but all he did was downgrade her which immediately created a rift between us. That was 5 years ago and I can't seem to get past it. My uncle died two years ago......alone.
Teresa
Dear Teresa
How incredible that your beloved aunt died in your arms. That was a moment of pure love that you should cherish and hang onto. In terms of your uncle and his negative reaction when you went to comfort him, I can’t begin to imagine how painful that must have felt when you arrived with such good intentions. I am a believer that we all act out of either love or fear, and I’m afraid that in your uncle’s case his fears and sadness probably got the best of him to cause him to react that way. The reality is sometimes in grief it is easier to be angry at someone and diminish them, than to be vulnerable and say how much we love them, need them, miss them and perhaps feel deeply abandoned by them.
Now that your uncle has also passed, you can hope and wish that they have both found each other in death; and perhaps your uncle has even found a peace that he did not know in life.
Grief and loss teach us about death, but they also teach us about life. How can you now take the incredible moments you had with your aunt and the challenging ones you had with your uncle and use them both to live your life more fully? I think you have an important message in your story, and I will do my best to share it also so that others can learn how both death and life can bring the best and worst out of all of us.
David
I have seen the death of loved ones many times in my life but the death of my beloved aunt was an exception. She died of lung cancer in my arms. When I left the hospital, I drove immediately to be with my uncle thinking he would need someone to be with him through this time. I don't know if it was his way of grieving or not but all he did was downgrade her which immediately created a rift between us. That was 5 years ago and I can't seem to get past it. My uncle died two years ago......alone.
Teresa
Dear Teresa
How incredible that your beloved aunt died in your arms. That was a moment of pure love that you should cherish and hang onto. In terms of your uncle and his negative reaction when you went to comfort him, I can’t begin to imagine how painful that must have felt when you arrived with such good intentions. I am a believer that we all act out of either love or fear, and I’m afraid that in your uncle’s case his fears and sadness probably got the best of him to cause him to react that way. The reality is sometimes in grief it is easier to be angry at someone and diminish them, than to be vulnerable and say how much we love them, need them, miss them and perhaps feel deeply abandoned by them.
Now that your uncle has also passed, you can hope and wish that they have both found each other in death; and perhaps your uncle has even found a peace that he did not know in life.
Grief and loss teach us about death, but they also teach us about life. How can you now take the incredible moments you had with your aunt and the challenging ones you had with your uncle and use them both to live your life more fully? I think you have an important message in your story, and I will do my best to share it also so that others can learn how both death and life can bring the best and worst out of all of us.
David
