Death of a Parent
It was expected...
Although my friends are well-meaning, many start off by saying "...well, it WAS expected..." or "he WAS elderly" as if that should make it so much easier for me to accept. I don't care how old he was or how long I knew he was ill, he was still my father and it is still hard to believe he's gone. I wish people would not say those things. All I want to hear is a simple "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?"
I don't seem to be functioning very well. I can be cheerful, but my thoughts must be disconnected because I find myself doing the silliest things, forgetting what I'm supposed to be doing and getting angry at my husband, who is the nicest person in the world to me.
I am also very tired, physically. I have been taking care of my parents for nearly eight months - both were in hospitals, nursing homes and at-home needing 24/7 tending. Even on the days when another sibling is able to help out, I cannot relax and enjoy my time because I'm thinking about what I need to do or which bills I need to take care of (or fight) for them.
I don't know if this is the right place to post these feelings, but it does help to write it out. I wrote a very angry letter & sent it to no-one. Just tore it up. But it helped to calm me down at the time and sort things out for a day or two.
Comments:
Selein,
What a thoughtful, meaningful and honest post. First, I offer you my condolences at what is an extremely difficult time. Sometimes people think that the hard part is the actual funeral but I think in your case and many others it is the days, weeks and months after. You have given so much of your time and life to caring for your dad before he actually passed that the actual death meant that he was no longer suffering physical pain but your emotional pain just began.
I hope that you know your are correct in your feelings and all I can offer to you is my deepest condolences and "if you ever want to talk about it," I will gladly listen and respond.
I'm sorry to read of your loss. I read in A Watchtower about A Dr. Prigerson who said 'People never get over A loss, they just get used to it. And if your like me it takes years, but the sharpness fades some with time.
Following the death of Saul and Jonathan, David composed a highly emotional dirge in which he poured out his grief. This mournful composition eventually became part of the written record of the Bible book of Second Samuel. (2 Samuel 1:17-27; 2 Chronicles 35:25)
So you are doing what helped David in Bible times. Your puting to words what your heart is slowly tring to say.The Bible helps me, I turn to it every day.
When my Father died from cancer I had to deal with alot of Guilt. The day he died my husbands mother who also was in the hospital got worse and I went with him to see her. My father died that night and my husbands mother the next morning. He wasn't at the hospital with his mother because he was with me making arangement for my father. I will have to just live with this. But, Realize, though, that no matter how much we love another person, we cannot prevent “time and unforeseen occurrence� from befalling those we love. (Ecclesiastes 9:11)
neither one of us got to say good by to our parents.
I'm here if you want to write me.
Vickie
