Our Eulogy for her service at St. Peters Episcopal Church:
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
Mom lived a full life. We know that. Reaching 90 is always and achievement, and reaching it with the style, and passion, and grace in which Joan did was a testimony to here inimitable character, personality and spirit.
She was born Joan Harris Keel to an English couple Frank and Florence Keel living in Quebec Canada, and etiquette and manners, as they are to most of the British were very important and strictly enforced as we grew up. We can recall many the occasion that we were told to "sit up straight", and "keep your elbows off the table" while at dinner as well as "don't slouch", and "chew with your mouth closed". We are thankful for this upbringing because it has made us better men, and gentlemen in too often today a world without manners, thought, or consideration for the people around us.
Joan grew up Clinton Connecticut, a small port and fishing town on the east coast, and one of her greatest joys in life which she shared readily, was her love of the ocean and of seafood, particularly lobster which she would enjoy many times a year right up until her last year with us. She was especially fond at the holidays where it was always a treat for her, to enjoy the annual surf and turf dinner with Rick and his wife Amy and their entire family going out chauffeured to a wonderful holiday dinner replete with freshly steamed Maine lobsters and grilled filet mignon till she could eat no more. I'm sure if the question arose or was pressed mom would say that the Connecticut lobsters were the better and far superior when compared against those from Maine.
She was born in 1920, and lived as a young girl through the depression. This left a very strong impression on her and as children we grew up with her strong belief which she instilled readily that we should never waste anything, especially at mealtime. Rick and I can both fondly recall how we would have to sit at the dinner table until our plates had been cleaned, which oftentimes unbeknownst to her was left to the dog underneath the kitchen table, or secretly wrapped up in a napkin to be surreptitiously disposed of later in the trash. I'm sure she knew, because she was wise like that to the tricks that boys will pull on their mothers but as always with her kindness she would never pass retribution on how quickly after she left the room that our plates were magically emptied.
You also rarely had to guess how Mom felt about you, and I'm sure that she never intentionally meant to hurt anyone, because she was also one of the most sensitive people I've ever known, but it was always with some mirth that we had to frequently parry her verbal assaults on our wardrobe or hairstyles which in the '70s oftentimes left us looking more than a little disheveled and unkempt. She didn't find it easy to share her innermost feelings, but she did tend to wear them on her sleeve, and she was easily wounded especially if it came to mealtime and any dissatisfaction in the meal was voiced she would run out of the room teary eyed and distraught only to return shortly later fully recovered and "over it" which was one of our favorite family expressions growing up. If someone had issues which anything or nothing in particular they were quickly told to "get over it" and she better than anyone always lived up to this.
Her generosity with her time, her energy, her advice, and in so many other ways provided invaluable support to a remarkable number of people. Mom lived a life in her early years of service to both the people and the communities in which she lived. She had earned a Master's degree in Social Work and Psychology which she used to work with children through most of her career. She also turned that into a role of administration with the St. Peters nursery school which she ran for many years and we are very thankful to the church for offering her the opportunity to provide service to the young ones and our community for such a long time. It made her life more rewarding and more complete in so many ways that even after her role had ended she still continued to work for and volunteer at the church for many, many years.
In closing I would just like to thank you all for coming here today. Our mother would be very pleased and honored to see that you all could make it here this afternoon to share in this celebration of her life with us, as it was her family and friends who were the most important focus of her life especially here at St. Peters. She for many years enjoyed our families faith and devotion, and especially her own which she carried in her less frequent visits to the last of her days.
As a parent, and a friend, our mother had the extraordinary ability to make us feel stronger and more confident in our own identity, giving us our own sense of independence and mental toughness which has been an asset in so many ways in our lives. She will live in our memories and hearts forever and both Rick and I will always be extremely proud to call ourselves her sons.
The hardest thing we have ever done was telling you it was ok to go, that it was time and that Dad was waiting for you. There is an empty space now in our lives that will never mend. It will take time for us to realize that we cannot pick up the phone to hear your words of love and encouragement, and the advice about life you were always so ready to share. I already miss the way you spoke my name and would close your arms around me in a gentle hug. I already miss your laugh, your smile and your loving gaze from your bluest of ocean blue eyes.
Thank you, for being our mother. For being Mom.
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. Miss you Mom!
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